Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Desires of Our Hearts

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourselves in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of you heart.

Before we left for you Uganda, we started praying very specifically for the desire of our hearts- to grow our family with a child. Specifically, a baby.

I think a lot of times we pray for what we want, then tack on "if that's your will, Lord..." and then, we hope for the best, hoping also that His will is really OUR will. I am SO thankful that His will and His way, are always the BEST for us, even when they are what we are least expecting.

Months before we left for Uganda, I was diagnosed with a minor medical "condition" that would make having a baby on our own difficult. We knew our options and had a plan. We had come to the point in our "plan" when we needed more help. So, a few weeks after we got home, we started down the very long and windy path of fertility treatments. We also had our very definitive "line in the sand" when we would call it quits, and when we would pursue adoption. Though adoption was always there, and we knew that even if we did get pregnant, we would add to our family through adoption- at some point.

During the rest of winter, we continued treatment and researching adoption. As winter turned quickly to spring, we were not making any progress on getting pregnant. To ease our minds that we had more options, we went to an informational meeting that Sunny Ridge Family Center hosted. After that meeting, Kelly was ready to jump in head first to the adoption process...while I was much more cautious. And, I wanted to keep trying to get pregnant.

At the end of June, we decided that this cycle of meds and trying would be our last. We needed a break- mentally and physically (I had had ENOUGH of the "personal summers" that were a major side effect of the meds). We took the meds and had the last test on July 5...nothing. It didn't work. We were glad for the break we were going to be taking from all of this.

All this time we prayed for a baby, a child- God's will for our family. We really had NO idea what was to come. We trusted that God would give us the desires of our hearts....whatever that might be.

No comments: